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Dear Ex-Lover

Dear Cory,

    We currently do not speak at all and that kills me. I miss you more than anything because at some point in time you were my everything. I gave you all i could. I did my best to  understand you and please you. We could have been that couple that lasted to senior year that everyone envied but you ruined that. You cheated and lied to me and have showed me numerous times that I mean absolutely nothing to you. Time after time I came back to you hoping something within you changed, maybe you found the love for me I deserved. Over the summer we agreed to hook up. Honestly I just wanted to take your virginity because I could have something from you that was so special it could never be replaced by you or me, or anyone for that matter. I decided to not go through with it and built up the courage to tell you how I still cared for you and I wanted us back. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same way but I was trying to be honest with you and most importantly myself. You acted in such a way I never would have imagined. You completely destroyed me this summer. You had no mercy and no respect for me in those text messages. You said you liked nothing about me and that you regretted going out with me. How could someone say that to someone? Were you high and why did you have to be so mean?  I hate you for that and for many other things of course. Today is October 26th, 2013. Its been about to years since we actually went out and over 6 months since we last kissed, but I still think about you everyday. I still smell your skin I swear. You were the most beautiful thing in this world that I have ever called mine. You made me so happy and I dont even know why. We connected so well and we had fun times. Do you remember that one day under the stadium? It was like a movie I swear. My tears soaked your upper stomach and chest and I just looked up and found the perfect moment to kiss you. Your lips were the best I ever had. You kissed like it actually meant something but somehow it didn’t, somehow I mean nothing to you and I cannot begin to comprehend how that is even possible. How could you fake a relationship? How do you fake kisses and hugs. You use to walk me to the bus EVERYDAY, even when you had detentions you’d walk me as far as you could. Was that not love? Please tell me what it was, because I’m so lost Cory. I really am. Nowadays when I see you I get sick to my stomach. Seeing you is so hard on me. I look past you each time because I’m at a point where I’m so afraid actually look at you. You are not mine and I understand that, but I don’t know why. You should be. I wish I could stop loving you, loving your bad boy ways and curly hair and tall stature. I wish I could let  it all go. I wish  I  could. I wish you would disappear sometimes too. Maybe if I didn’t see you it would be easier. Maybe if I got a new man it would be easier but neither of those have happened.  So I sit her on my laptop on a Saturday night writing this fake letter to a guy I never truly had. Fuck my life, in the ass, with a chainsaw, during a blizzard.

So Im ending this letter. You suck Cory, like REALLY SUCK, but i will never stop loving you and hoping you one day find yourself and a bit of love for me. One day i hope you get your life together and one day just thank me for being there. Im sure these things wont happen, no offense. So I guess this is goodbye. You still suck, no wait. You eat ass, eternally, or until you love me. Ha. Bye ugly.           

           

                                   Love,

                            Ashley, the best thing you always had

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